pendulous
by Zerovk
Summary: They are not currently in speaking terms and there's barely a thin line separating them from breaking up . pre-written kaze fic . three chapters long . kanamexzero VK males as toxic boyband AU ( like the fic " you need to be punished , zero " )
1. Chapter 1

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Takuma pov :

From the moment we started filming our new music video , my eyes have been doing nothing but watching closely . Two directions ..

Kaname and the girl , then Zero's reaction . I have to admit , he was damn good at hiding his emotions .

No one other than us knew about Kaname and Zero's relationship , likewise , no one other than us , Toxic , knew about each other's lovelife .

We have all agreed to keep our love a secret ever since we found out about it .  
Senri and I .  
Akatsuki and Hanabusa .

Finally , the unstable couple , Kaname and Zero.

They are not currently in speaking terms and there's barely a thin line separating them from breaking up . I'm not talking about a lovers' quarrel , I'm talking about a serious break up.

Right now for example , the main lead in our new music video - Kaname - had the female lead hovering over him as they were both lying on the bed and I'm sure as hell grateful I'm not Zero . Witnessing your lover in such position , having your hands tied , because people shouldn't know , because your relationship is to be a secret , is not a great situation to be in .

My eyes were fixated on the girl wandering her hands all about Kaname's body , his shirt halfway opened . And damn , there's a chill attacking my spine . I think I have a hunch from where it came .

Moving my eyes a bit towards the right , I was greeted with Zero's sharp expression and knitted eyebrows as he stared at the scene unfold before his eyes .

Truth be told , I felt bad . the silverette is my best friend after all , Kaname as well .  
It's not the best feeling in the world when you know you can't help much .

Zero knew he couldn't just expect Kaname to push her away , yet he sure had some hopes for any distaste radiating from Kaname , something to show he wasn't enjoying it . And Kaname wasn't enjoying it , he was merely doing his job . Zero failed to see that . For him , Kaname was having the best moments in his life as the girl wandered her disgusting hands around him and inched her face closer to his .

Though they were not in speaking terms , Zero's jealousy was enough to burn anything near , reducing it to ashes .

He was angry , frustrated , and sad , but maintained his blank expression , keeping his lips in a tight line .

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During the last few weeks , Zero has been down and distant in a chronic sense . He wasn't the teasing person we knew him to be , he wasn't even smiling . And when he did , it didn't reach his eyes and it would only be for emergency-kind-of-situations , like when we had to face the fans .

Sadly , he has been shifting between two approaches interchangeably . One of them being rejection , he had refused to eat , drink , sleep , and basically anything that involved living . He had lost all the weight he didn't even have , to the point he was now approaching the epitome of a skull , .. you know.. the pirates symbol . At the other extreme , he had been excessively hyperactive , smiling at each and everything , ridiculous or not . Simply put , he was pretending to be okay when he was far from that .

Now , both approaches were intense and obviously indicated depression that needed to be handled immediately but that was nearly impossible when he did his best to avoid us and not just Kaname for that matter .

Speaking of which , that idiot wasn't doing much better . Well , yea - relatively - you can say he was . But no , he wasn't . His temper issues were a lot stronger ever since they started this abrupt 'do we want to stay together ? ' phase . He wasn't the dorky elder we knew . He wasn't smiling like a bunny any more . He wasn't scolding us like a mother hen either .

Luckily , both were not childish enough to switch rooms and actually , there was no need to do so . they only went there to sleep , not to interact . However , they were childish enough to spend the whole day out , knowing very well that the moment they do step inside the house , we would try our best to make them reconcile .

We weren't going to do that , not the cliche ' let's lock them in a room until they reconcile ' at least . We were planning to talk to them separately , to persuade them to work things out between them .

Puffing out air in exasperation , I lied back on the couch as my head started pounding thanks to those idiots .

Not surprisingly , their issues had affected us beyond limits .

" Are we out of noodles ? "

I heard Akatsuki say as he poked his head from the hallway .

" Oh .. you can have my pack . Not like I have the appetite any ways . " I waved my hand weakly , feeling chained by the flow of events .

Hearing that , he frowned and approached me . I could practically feel the sparks of concern emitting from him .

" yea .. Actually , I wasn't planning to eat it . "

His tone was sluggish and full of exhaustion .

" Hanabusa ? " I guessed and he nodded .

At least someone is looking after our shortest , he has been yet another victim of the " kaze negative vibes outbreak " .

Our glutton ball of sunshine had lost his appetite as well . That was almost unheard of . But well , it wasn't unexpected . After all , Hanabusa was the second emotional one among us after Kaname .

Cynically , my stage name is " emotional vocal " . I don't really know why they chose that . Did they want to portray me as emotional or hint the fact my voice had an emotional effect on people ? Or was it both ?

Never mind , there are more pressing matters at hand right now .

" And you want noodles to suffice ? "

I mocked , attempting to lighten up the atmosphere .

It seemed to have an effect , little though .

Akatsuki let out what seemed like a mixture of a muffled chuckle and a scoff .

" Well , yea . What else can I cook ? "

Nodding in amusement , I sighed , diverting my eyes elsewhere . He followed suit , sighing along . After all , what else can we do to let out some of our pent up emotions ?

Oh how I wish I could roll myself in a blanket and snuggle next to Senri .

Senri .. He was also affected by everything .

He is a sleepyhead yea .. but recently , he has been sleeping even more than usual or having none at all .

" We really gotta do something about it. "

Akatsuki's voice snapped me out of my thoughts . I hummed , agreeing but not knowing what to suggest .

" Those two are growing tenacious . " I noted the obvious and it was his turn to hum as he nodded along .

They were both waiting for each other to make the first move . But right now , I doubt Zero was waiting . At this point , he had seemingly stopped waiting . Kaname wouldn't go to him , he doesn't care enough to do so and as bitter as that may sound , it wasn't totally true . Yea , Kaname wasn't approaching him but that didn't mean he didn't care . He was just doing the same - waiting - .

We all knew those two loved each other immensely but they couldn't see it in light of the recent circumstances .

Why would they be suffering so much if that wasn't the case ?

" I will take care of Zero . And .. how about Hanabusa tries his luck with Kaname ? you know.. he has a soft spot for him . "

I narrowed my eyes at the younger , letting the suggestion sink in .

Seems like a good idea .

" What choice do we have ? I hope something good comes out of it . "

I could only shrug , agreeing to such a plan .

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Soon enough , Akatsuki had put his plan into action .

Zero was -surprisingly- home , in the kitchen , preparing himself something to drink when a head poked near his own .

Slowly , he turned his head to stare at a certain flame haired male - close up - . Much to the younger's despair , Zero only stared blankly at him before going back to stirring his cup , like nothing had happened .

 _That went well , a total success ._ Akatsuki thought as his eyebrows shot up in amusement and sarcasm .

Once again , he moved his face close to the elder , trying to make him respond in any way , snap , laugh , or whatever .

Zero's resolve was short lived and he found himself chuckling softly despite himself .

He didn't want to smile , chuckle , or anything of that sort . but damn , When Akatsuki makes those faces , no one can stay still , pulling a long face .

Though the silverette's resolve wasn't the only thing short - lived . The sweet moment was as well . The second Kaname passed by the kitchen , his steps coming to a halt as he realized the very person he was doing his best to avoid was in the same place , Zero's smile faded in sync .

Akatsuki narrowed his eyes in confusion before a voice sounded .

" Kain , do we still have some snacks left ? "

 _Way to go , Kuran Kaname ._

 _Now we are back to square one ._

Akatsuki's mind worked in full speed as he chose his words carefully .

" Yea , we do . they are in the cabinet . Help yourself . "

He wanted to see whether or not Kaname would get closer , knowing Zero was present .

Hurting the rapper was never in Akatsuki's plans , he had just wanted to test Kaname's reaction .

Alas , the brunette elder only nodded in response before shrugging , saying he wasn't that hungry and leaving to who knows where .

Zero wore a distant look , he could almost hear something inside him shattering to debris . His heart sank as he let out a weak knowing smile .

 _What were you hoping for ?_

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Few days later :

Hanabusa took a deep breath before encouraging himself for what he was about to do . He was feeling nervous and awkward as he approached Kaname , who sat on his bed , popping bubble wraps .

The elder wasn't doing it for mere enjoyment , that much Hanabusa could tell .He was venting his emotions in it .

 _Such a good start , eh ._

" Kaname ? " He called , sensing the dark aura disappear for a second before it came back again , that time stronger as the popping grew even more intense , as though Kaname was sending the younger a warning not to even think of approaching that subject .

The blonde could gulp nervously at that .

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Whatever those two had discussed surely made Kaname snap and for the rest of the day , he was out of sight .

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Meanwhile :

Zero sat on his bed , surfing the internet through his phone when a sound drew his attention . Haru bounced its way in the room , making him chuckle without even realizing it . Though the puppy wasn't really that attached to him , it had jumped on the rapper's lap , seeking attention . Astonishment washed over his features at first before he started petting the said puppy .

 _Your owner doesn't love me anymore ._

He thought bitterly .

" No matter how much we try to avoid it , we have to talk . "

Zero let out a soft gasp as he heard that melodic voice addressing him , of all people . Normally and in light of recent events , the brunette never approached their room unless he wanted to sleep .

However , Kaname was now in front of him . He closed the door and , to Zero's astonishment , started approaching him .

" It has been a long time since we have .. stopped talking .. too long that I have come to lose focus on what exactly happened or how it had started , who the one at fault is .. But it doesn't matter . what matters is .. Do we want it to stay this way ? "

Kaname had sat down on his own bed , facing the silverette as he spoke seriously , pausing every once in a while to take in the younger's reaction .

Zero gulped , not meeting his lover's eyes . He didn't want to voice his thoughts , because he didn't want to voice his longing first . Not because it would hurt his pride , it would sting his heart . If he ends up voicing it first , that would mean their distance had only took its toll on him . The very notion of it tugged at his heart strings in pure anguish . Unconsciously , he had started caressing Haru's soft fur excessively that the puppy let out what seemed like a purr in response .

" I don't . "

Kaname's voice was full of dominance as he continued to lead the conversation , easily snapping the younger out of his thoughts .

" What do **you** want , Zero ? "

He had asked , emphasizing the second-person personal pronoun .

And for the first time in so long , Zero allowed himself to drown in those endearing doe-like eyes of his lover .

Kaname's eyes held too many emotions as did his tone , one of them being tenderness .

Then generosity and respect rippled about his gaze as he gave Zero a choice . Yet there was also some sense of longing , like he was urging the younger to agree with him so they could go back to being together .

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	2. Chapter 2

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Zero still hasn't given Kaname his answer , allowing the deafening silence to stretch furthermore before bringing Haru closer to him and whispering .

" Why now ? "  
It was barely audible and broken at that.  
There was no accusation nor blame coating his tone . It was purely bitter .

What Kaname had initially thought of to be mere delusions has now become solidified before his eyes .. It wasn't as simple as he had once thought of it to be . Zero was truly trapped in the deepest depths of despair .

Kaname could have countered it , going about how the silverette should be thankful that the elder initiated such conversation , especially since Zero hadn't taken a single move to fix the mess ruining their relationship . It wouldn't be fair if he blamed Kaname for something he himself couldn't do . But such response would surely bruise the younger's heart and Kaname didn't want that . Yet If he were to say that his conversation with Hanabusa was such an eye opener , it wouldn't hurt any less . He knew Zero wasn't childish enough to sulk at such thing . He wouldn't think that Kaname went there against his will or that Hanabusa had the elder forced on doing so . No , That wouldn't hurt . Nonetheless , the fact it was Hanabusa's words the drive that sparked some emotions in Kaname and pushed him to finally talk with Zero would surely hurt like hell . For a fleeting moment , Kaname started doubting himself ..

It's almost like Zero's love was the ocean whilst Kaname's was merely a dot in it . But that's not true , not even remotely close to it . If anything , Kaname had and will always love the younger currently sitting in front of him , within his reach . He knows so . But that still doesn't answer Zero's question and Kaname didn't know what to say without hurting the younger's feelings . Though it was well established that with love comes pain , mild sometimes and others excruciating - unbearable and maybe even incurable - .

Eventually , Kaname heaved a deep sigh and surprisingly , took Zero's hand in his , as if readying himself for what he was about to say , the truth .

" I was waiting … See . I may be the one mostly initiating everything physical or verbal between us , I may be the domineering one more often than not but that absolutely does not mean I'm as tough as you all think I am . I crave your care , concern , attention , and love almost like how a child needs such affections from his mother . You make me vulnerable , Zero . This whole time , I have had a lot of hopes for you to approach me first .. but .. Well , I guess it's my fault for making you all accustomed to such thing , For giving you the false impression that I , the mighty Kuran Kaname , can never crumble down . Zero , I really am entangled too deep in my love for you that it hurts And .. When you ignore me , I feel lost . So lost more than you can ever imagine .. "

Totally immersed in voicing his feelings out , the brunette had a dazed look on as he paused to catch his breath , blinking repeatedly to gather his thoughts . Then a certain memory flickered through his vision .

" You know .. that night .. when you snapped and gave me your back , sleeping as you faced the wall . I kept waiting for you to soften .. I had honestly hoped you would turn around and talk to me , to the point that I actually stayed up late until dawn , waiting for any reaction from you . But you were fast asleep .. "

The whole time , Zero had his eyes narrowed as he took in every single detail , every ounce of sincerity , every emotion coating his lover's voice . He was speechless , well and truly trapped under Kaname's spell of eyes .

But then and as his lover stopped talking , Zero realized he should be responding somehow . He didn't know where to start though . Maybe he should just start where Kaname had stopped , right ?

" First of all , Kaname , that night I did not sleep right away and - for me - it wasn't as easy as you make it sound like . I silently cried my way to sleep , muffling any noise that could draw your attention . I slept with a heavy heart and believe it or not , a part of me _hoped_ for you to come and talk . Make that _longed_ .. "

Slowly but surely , doe-like eyes laden with unspoken words met teary almond-like ones . Their lips ached to move and freely spill whatever they had felt but instead , they stopped functioning , in a way , trembling and twitching . Their gazes said it all . And they were totally aware of it .

 _Let the eyes do the talk ._

Both of them instinctively knew . They have reached a point where they knew they must either try to salvage their relationship or face the fact they were going to wreak havoc on themselves by staying together . Because the _things_ that you love can kill you .

Imagine _people_ .

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Next day :

To say that the other four were stupefied when Kaname and Zero got out of their room - together - and sat next to each other during breakfast would be a huge understatement .

The aura was tense and awkward as they all started eating . The aforementioned four ate warily , exchanging worried and confused looks until Kaname cleared his throat , demanding attention .

Everyone stared at him , waiting for his words , save for Zero who knew them beforehands .

Kaname looked a bit troubled , a guilty expression marring his face before he started talking , shocking them by his words .

" .. Zero and I had a much needed , long , and honest talk yesterday .. And .. through it , we came to a final conclusion . For the best , we decided to break up . "

Hanabusa's mouth went wide open as he stared in utter shock at the brunette whilst Akatsuki narrowed his eyes in half disbelief .

Senri only mumbled " Great . " before going back to his meal . One would think of his reaction as odd but Takuma knew better . Senri didn't take it well , if the way he murdered his meal was any indication .

" B..but why ? " that was Hanabusa . Clearly , he was the only one brave enough to ask . Though he sure did stutter questioning it .

The whole thing gave off the feeling of parents gathering their children , only to tell them they decided to separate , to get divorce .

Zero hadn't once lifted his head , in fear of meeting their eyes . Instead , he focused on his plate , ignoring the twist wrenching his stomach as he recalled his and Kaname's conversation the day before . Now he had to deal with the burden of confronting his member-mates about it .

THUD *

They snapped their heads to see Takuma standing up abruptly , knocking his chair in the process before retreating to his room , muttering a disappointed " What a shame . "

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28 nov , 2017 


	3. Chapter 3

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No one dared make a remark after Takuma's departure . However , Zero spared no time following after him , leaving behind a group of uneasy onlookers .

As soon as the silverette stepped inside Takuma and Senri's room , the younger drew in a fierce breath , rubbing his hand all over his jaw .

" Tak- " The elder started , only to have the blonde male interrupt him in a tone way harsher than strictly required .

" Do you happen to know a certain couple ? They are so blinded by their own pride that they think their decisions won't have a repercussion on others ! " Takuma yelled vehemently , clearly referring to Zero and Kaname .

It wasn't the first time he got angry at the silverette ever since the whole 'Kaname and Zero are on the threshold of breaking up and we gotta do something about it' fiasco . However , it was certainly the first time for him to show it , - unguarded , unadulterated and nearly terrifying anger - .

Realistically , he knew he couldn't really blame them if they couldn't stay together anymore , they won't disregard their own feelings just to make sure the healthy atmosphere stays intact in the house . However , another part of him screamed otherwise . The part that knew those two still loved each other immensely and couldn't have possibly stopped feeling for one another . That part was also the one fueling his anger .

The damage was done and there was nothing that could be done to mollify him . To the point he started wondering if Zero was really that stupid to jump right into the wolf's lair . Simply put , The elder's presence right now would only further strengthen his anger , replenishing it to a total new level . Which gradually led him to other series of thoughts . And so he started wondering how Zero would cope up with it , if he copes at all .

" But , Taku- "

" No ! Do not say anything ! I have already heard enough ! " Once again , the younger stubbornly clung to his grounds , refusing to give Zero a chance to explain himself , such thing only further humoring a certain rapper .

Takuma got even more furious when he started noticing a muffled distinct sound of laughter .

 _Just what the hell_?

" Pff .. HAHA ! You really fell for it ! God ! "

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Something went off in Takuma's brain .

And before any of them could even utter anything else , a certain voice yelling drew their attention .

 _Was that .. Senri ?_

Deciding to deal with Zero later , Takuma rushed out of the room and back to the other four , Zero following shortly after .

they were greeted with a fuming up Senri who stomped his way towards his room , bumping harshly into Zero in the process . Apparently , Kaname had just revealed it all being a prank and by the look of it , Senri didn't find it any fun , to say the least . And Zero knew better than to take it personally . The leader would have bumped into anyone within short distance any ways .

Kaname 's hair slicked to his neck , dripping wet , his shirt falling victim of the same treatment as a huge patch of it deepened in pigment , clinging to his torso . it really wasn't difficult to take a guess about the reason why .

" What the actual fuck , Kaname ?! I didn't know you were this twisted ! " Hanabusa snapped , throwing all honorific out the proverbial window , his expression a mixture of confusion , anger , and obvious irritation at the fact they were fooled by none other than Kuran Kaname and Kiryuu Zero , and regarding what ? such a sensitive topic , no less .

He was partly relieved yet frustrated at such action and all of it poured on his face , the usually cute and cheerful smile adorning his face replaced with an awkward aggravated frown . Truth be told , no matter what and no matter how much Hanabusa tried to look angry , it just didn't look right on him . Basically , it was a sight to behold , so priceless .

" Yea , he's far more devilish than we gave him credit for ! " Takuma added , shifting his weight on one leg as he crossed his arms in total display of disapproval .

Kaname would have sulked at the blatant offense if he wasn't so busy trying to control his laughter .

Meanwhile , Akatsuki took the liberty of asking his lover to calm down and take a deep breath but before he could even finish his sentence , his very lover interrupted him oh so crudely .

" Shut the fuck up , stupid ! It's not like I'm giving birth ! " Panting right after his enraged fit , Hanabusa knew it wasn't the smartest thing to say , especially with the way Akatsuki raised a clearly irritated eyebrow at him , only to smile a devilish one right after .

The other three did all but refrain from bursting into laughter . _Damn , Hanabusa was gonna get it !_

It didn't take long before Akatsuki started dragging - for the lack of a better word - his ball of sunshine towards their room . which left only Zero , Takuma , and Kaname present . So far none of them talked until Zero decided to stir some action up .

" I would have asked you to go and calm Senri down , if I wasn't too busy worrying about your well being . "

The silverette commented , trying his best to sound as sympathetic as convincingly possible , making it sound as if Senri was nothing but an angry beast at the moment .

" Senri does not Lash out at me , sweetie . " Takuma said with mock affection .

 _Did Zero really think Senri would try and take it out on Takuma ?_

" Oh ! I didn't mean that , precious blonde one . I meant physically lashing .. I'm already envisioning it . poor you . You won't be able to walk tomorrow or perhaps , for the whole week . "

" Oh ! " Takuma exclaimed as realization hit him . In a heartbeat , he started looking around for something to hurl at the idiotic elder in front of him . Finding none , he resorted to using his own tongue to retaliate " At least my dear Senri is not some sex-deprived beast ticking time bomb . The one you should be feeling sorry for is none but yourself , zero-chan ~ " Takuma fired back smugly , confident the elder would grow utterly speechless . After all , who could retaliate to that ? Ha ! Take that !

Alas , Zero was the infamous ' If I'm going down , I'm not going down alone ' type of person , much to Takuma's chagrin .

The one who should have felt affronted though , for the second time that morning because of Takuma's words , only clutched his sides to ease his muscles , trying to control his laughter-induced tears but only failing to do so , miserably .

" This 'sex-deprived beast' as you so delicately put it is my everything and I'd much appreciate it if you refrain from talking about him like that . "

It might look like Zero playing the knight in shining armor had to be the sweetest thing to come right after Romeo and Juliet or Tristan and Isolde ( well , if such tragedies could be considered sweet , that is ) , when in fact , he took immense pleasure in repeating such offensive words , just to tease his so called 'everything' , namely , Kaname .

" Besides , I believe it's Senri the one worthy of such title . You are such a screamer , Takuma . And if that fact is anything to go by , Senri is definitely no slacker as opposed to our original theories regarding his stamina . " Zero almost snickered , barely containing the devilishly malicious smirk carving its way to his lips as he proceeded to return the favor tenfold worse .

Kaname seriously started suspecting he had pissed himself after so many excessive fits of laughter .

To say it was amusing watching Takuma's face go all sorts of red would definitely be a huge understatement .

" You actually have no shame ! " Takuma exclaimed , nearly stuttering as he stared back at the silverette in sheer mortification , trying his best to salvage whatever remained of his scarred , scattered and deeply punctured pride .

Now joining his lover , Zero replied with none but a maniacal guffaw , the act only encouraging Takuma to scurry his way to the confines of his room , even if it meant confronting a very angry Senri .

" Oh Dear ! " Zero mumbled , his voice slowing down to a soft giggle , eyes watering the more he tried resisting the urge to just laugh .

And Kaname was still laughing …

They didn't know how or when but they ended up on the floor , crawling to the safety of their room lest one of the other offended members decided to use them to mop the exact same floor .

Panting and yet more panting could be heard as they finally managed to get into their room , the fit of laughter having prevented them any instant progress .

A few minutes later Kaname had finally stopped but Zero - even after biting his lips and using his hands to muffle his noise - ended up falling victim to a crazy fit of laughter once again .

Startled at the sudden boisterous sound , Kaname regarded the younger with a look , trying to discern whether Zero had gone nuts or what . But the younger either paid such act no heed or was too engrossed in laughing to even notice the " Are you crazy? " look his love had been giving him .

Yea , sure it was fun to provoke the others earlier but now that they were in the confines of their room , there was absolutely no need to keep on laughing . Like a play , once the curtains fall and audience leave , you are free to throw the mask away . Yet Zero sure got caught in his own role , or so Kaname believed .

" Hey ! Zero ! "

Shaking the silverette , Kaname realized , with a little more than an ounce of worry , that Zero might actually die if that laughter fit stretched any longer . He wouldn't allow that !

 _It's like someone fed him a laughter-inducing mushroom or something_.

Determined , Kaname stood up with grace , intent on saving his lover .

He had urged the younger up , held his hand tightly , and wasted no time moving towards the bathroom extended to their room . Zero , in his current state , allowed himself to be dragged , giggling all the way , clearly unaware of whatever Kaname had planned for him .

With just about enough force to place Zero under the showerhead , Kaname twisted the faucet open , nearly jumping at the loud gasp Zero had let out -even though such reaction was to be expected- .

After shrieking at the sudden coldness , the silverette instinctively pulled himself backwards , only succeeding in choking himself over some water that had escaped his now , thanks to Kaname , dripping wet hair .

" What was that for ?! " He fumed up , rubbing water out of his eyes and hair out of his face .

However , Kaname only sighed in relief as he slumped down the tiled floor , a hand loosely resting over his chest . Still , he knew he needed to offer some sort of explanation for the now close -to -sulk -and -never-talk-to-you-ever-again Zero in front of him .

" You were being weird , laughing and all .. It was starting to get dangerous . And I had no choice but to smack some sense into you . " Head hung low , Kaname admitted , feeling his ears grow hot as he did so .

Call it cheesy or childish , he truly worried for the younger . People could actually die of laughter and Kaname definitely wanted no such thing happening to his precious Amethyst .

Noticing the instant dramatic turn of events , Zero didn't have it in him to scold his lover any more . He had settled for a dreary sigh instead as soon as he realized why .

" I haven't had my fill of laughter in so long and I suppose my brain is making up for the lack of it . "

Kaname instantly snapped his head at the younger one as soon as the words sunk in , garnet pools narrowing a little as he gazed eye to eye at his lover . He felt a lump in his throat at the implied message and preferred to ignore his need to make a comment about it . But Zero was one to break eye-contact , preferring to stare at the floor as he wrapped an arm around himself , gulping past the mass of emotions invading his senses . Maybe he shouldn't have said that .

Judging by the look Kaname was giving him , he definitely shouldn't have said that .

" If you are trying to make me feel guilty , it's working . "

Now it was Zero's turn to snap his head back to his lover's eyes , feeling the urge to discern whether the elder was being serious or what . He was met with genuine seriousness in Kaname's eyes , though something else appeared to be shining there , a hint of understanding and not an ounce of reprimand .

He hadn't meant to make it sound like it was all Kaname's fault . having the other male misunderstand him now that they just reconciled felt like a merciless hail of heart-wrenching emotions .

However , he was more woeful about the fact Kaname chose to interpret his words like that .

 _He should know me better than to assume I meant it to come off as an offense .._

" But I know you weren't . "

Zero only drew in much needed air , nearly asking what the elder had meant , were it not for his mind quickly supplying him with answers . _He knew Zero wasn't trying to make him feel guilty_.

The immense joy at such words along with the sudden gentle touch on his hand made Zero gasp softly , snapping him back to the real world . Kaname couldn't help the smile carving its way to his face and neither could he help the hand moving from Zero's hand to his cheek , caressing it with great affection , possessiveness , and a hint of playfulness .

Glad they had nothing to worry about anymore , the pair went back to their room . Though Kaname still felt kind of sad at the younger's words and what magnitude they held .

" Kaname ? You gotta change this shirt , unless you want to get sick . " urged Zero , growing concerned at his lover's well being . It was bad enough how demanding their schedule was and Kaname getting sick would never go well with it .

" Mm ." The elder only hummed in response , making Zero frown .

" Kaname ? " He tried again , only to get the same response .

Kaname seemed deep in thoughts , too deep to comprehend he was being called .

" Mm.. "

" Kaname . " Zero moved closer to the elder , trying physical existence to snap the other out of his stupor .

" Mm ? "

However , Kaname still seemed dazed and so Zero could take it no more .

" Kaname ?! " He snapped , shaking the other by the shoulders , successfully getting his attention that time .

" Oh , hey .. what ? " The elder looked as though someone had just splashed ice cold water on him without warning . And that further intensified Zero's frown . Was he really that distracted he couldn't even notice any of it ?

" Please tell me you aren't over thinking it .. " With a rather resigned sigh , Zero realized his earlier words could only be the possible thought plaguing Kaname's mind so much .

" I .. I'm sorry . " Shoulders deflated , Kaname let the softest apology roll past his tongue . Zero could only shake his head at that .

It wasn't Kaname's fault , not entirely at least .

" Kaname .. It wasn't your fault , we were all stressed by our stuffed schedule .. It's only natural I had my bad days . "

Moving his hand to reassure the elder , Zero briefly squeezed his lover's hands before leading him to the bed so they could lie down . After all , such a long talk was ahead of them .

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 _Flashback :_

 _It was another hectic day when Zero woke up earlier than usual , thinking he could get some time for himself before having to go about the preparation of everything . He thought he could earn himself some time to drink a much needed and craved mug of hot chocolate . However , Reality hit him hard when he realized the others started piling up requests over his head .._

 _Zero , can you get me this ? Can you get me that ?_

 _Zero , can you prepare us some instant noodles ? We don't have time to have a proper meal and you are already dressed up ._

 _Hey , do you know where I left my blue shirt ? The one with white collar attached to it .. ?_

 _Chewing on his lips to control his rising anger , Zero went forward to prepare them their noodles , with the exception of Kaname who wasn't present and even if he was , it wouldn't have made much of a difference since he and Zero were still on no speaking terms ._

 _Totally forgetting about his hot chocolate , Zero started working on the noodles , opening the lids , getting the flavor sachets out , filling the kettle with water and turning it on .._

 _And the others still had the audacity to keep asking him stupid questions ._

" _Zero , I forgot to bring my padded jacket . can you please get it for me ? "_

 _Hearing the distinct voice of Takuma , who seemingly overslept and now had to rush for his own individual schedule , Zero furiously tossed aside whatever he was holding ._

 _Yes , Zero was relatively closer to the room than Takuma whose voice seemed to come from the direction of the front door . Yes , Takuma did no wrong asking such thing . Yes , it wasn't Takuma's fault that the day before's hectic schedule forced him to come back late and thus sleep even later . However , at such point , Zero could hardly care ._

" _NO , I CAN'T ! YOU HAVE ALL BEEN ASKING ME TO DO THIS AND THAT EVEN THOUGH I'M JUST AS STRESSED AS YOU ARE AND I'VE FUCKING HAD IT ! ENOUGH ! "_

 _Zero snapped , leaving an aftermath of a painfully long silence stretching in his wake before the front door slammed shut , signaling Takuma's departure . The younger had probably left without his jacket and for that , Zero felt guilty . He slumped down on the chair , running his hands through his hair , letting out a far from relaxed sigh ._

 _Soft steps echoed about the otherwise silent kitchen . However , Zero didn't bother looking up to know whoever came in ._

 _Moments of silence passed by until Zero felt a hand on his shoulder , accompanied with a soft voice calling him ._

" _Zero ? "_

" _I .. I didn't mean to .. " He had nearly choked on his own breath , feeling hot furious tears threatening to brim his eyes and trickle down his face . He was feeling a whole lot of emotions at once . he felt overloaded ._

 _Shame , guilt , stress , anger , exhaustion …_

 _His life was going too fast for him to simply tolerate ._

 _He had taken to coping with such fast pace , every single thing in his life was done in a rush . He never had time to fully savor any moment , be it good or bad . Everything from eating to dressing up , calling his family every once in awhile was done in a rush ._

 _To name a few , he had nearly sometimes starved because he had no time for a proper meal , he had gotten used to tying his shoe lace in the van on the way to his destination , the same could be said for any other part of his look , his jacket , accessories .. Whatever .. It was just too much and he had reached his limit . He wanted a normal life … He wanted to have time to actually live .. He was doing the exact opposite earning a living .. The irony .._

" _I know and I'm sure - deep inside - Takuma does as well ." Akatsuki comforted , his hand never once ceasing to console the elder ._

" _It's okay , we are all stressed and it's bound to happen for us to snap at each other every once in awhile . " He had tried his best to sound persuasive but Zero couldn't buy it . He tilted his head at the younger and narrowed his eyes ._

" _Your argument is invalid , we are struggling with our schedules and yet I don't see any of you snapping at each other as opposed to what I just did .. "_

 _The elder said breathlessly , trying to suppress his mental breakdown ._

" _Well .. Your case is slightly different .. " Mumbled the younger , his whole being tense as he contemplated his next words ._

" _How is that ? " Zero asked cluelessly , looking like a lost puppy ._

 _Akatsuki had hoped it never came to down to that but , it looked like he was gonna have to spell it literally for the other male ._

" _Well , our schedule , as hectic as it is , could never be enough of a reason for us to snap at each other or lose our composure since we have another emotional outlet which you currently lack , Zero . "_

 _Fearing the possible 'well-meant but wrongly phrased words' label , Akatsuki braced himself for the blow that never came ._

 _Zero took his sweet time to decipher what the younger had meant and when his words finally hit home , the elder could only nod , albeit dejectedly . So , aside from stressing over his schedule , he was apparently and not surprisingly , stressing over his rather wobbly relationship with a certain vocalist ._

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Kaname smiled , albeit ruefully , as soon as Zero finished narrating and the said returned the smile with one of his own .

" I know our lives could be all stressing and stuff , but .. if it's any consolation , know I'm always here for you . whenever you feel the need for a cathartic relief , I'm here . " Promised Kaname , leaning forward to press a gentle kiss to Zero's forehead .

Content , the younger leant in , closing his eyes , relishing in such intimate act . It felt so good after such long time of deprivation .

" I know .. I'm as well . " Smiling affectionately , Zero promised back , feeling butterflies dancing around his stomach . He felt immensely grateful and joyful , he felt loved and safe . And he would be giving it all back to his one and only .

Life is all about giving and taking . Life is never meant to be easy .

However , it takes a wise person to be able to fully indulge in its pleasures without risking anything of value .

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4231 words

updated 29 nov , 2017

Starts mourning over how inspired i was back then.. Good old times ╥﹏╥

Any ways , thank you all for reading / reviewing .

Xoxo zerovk


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